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Viagra
Jokes
In the
Restaurant
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing
interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it
is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed
potatoes at dinner.
So, that night
at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.
She says,
'Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you
suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the
food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off
and ravishes me right there on the table.'
The doctor
says, 'I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong.
The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.'
'Naah...'
she says, 'that's okay. We aren't going back to that restaurant
anyway.'
Viagra
as diet pill
One morning a long-wed couple were in an amourous embrace and
the wife says: "Honey, that Viagra is so wonderful, let me
fix us a nice full breakfast... eggs, bacon, toast..." The
husband says: "No, I'm not hungry, the viagra takes away
my appetite."
Later in the
day, the wife says: "Sweetheart, I want to do something for
you, let me fix you a nice wholesome lunch, fresh salad with your
favorite ingredients, steamed veggies, and some grilled fish fillets..."
The husband
again refuses, "I'm just not hungry after using that viagra."
Long about
dinner time, the wife tries again, "Are you hungry yet?,
I'll fix a steak and potatoes dinner with hot rolls."
The husband
still refuses, "No, that Viagra just kills my appetite."
The wife then
firmly says "well, I'm getting something to eat, so get OFF
of me!!!"
Viagra
quickies
A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed
over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with him, had a different
opinion: "Oh, $40 a year isn't too bad."
Then there
was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat and
suffered from a stiff neck.
Have you tried
the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you're up all night.
How many doses
of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet,
and it's a whole new bulb.
Men are being
warned not to take Viagra with nitrates after five gentlemen in
India did so and changed the balance of power in the region.
The Viagra
computer virus turns your floppy disk into a hard drive. The Viagra
Super virus then sucks all your data off the hard drive.
If you're
depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a professional.
If that doesn't work, see a doctor!
A guy named
Dave emailed us that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket
when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to
wear.
We received
the report today that it is no longer necessary to stake tomatoes.
Just dissolve a Viagra tablet in the water and they stand up straight
and tall.
Viagra is
now being compared to Disneyland - a one-hour wait for a 2-minute
ride.
Viagra
user dies
A man dies "in the act" after taking viagra and rigor
mortis has set into his private parts.
The funeral
director can't get the coffin lid nailed on and has to discuss
the alternatives with the man's beautiful young widow. "I'm
afraid that the only way to get the lid on is either to pay another
$3,000 for an extra large coffin or to amputate his member."
"Well I have no more money," states the widow, "and
it is against my religion for me to bury my husband in more than
one piece."
The funeral
director thinks about this and then comes up with a brain-wave:
He'll amputate the member and then stick it up the deceased's
backside, in which case a more expensive coffin is unnecessary
and the husband will still be, in a manner of speaking, in the
one piece. The widow reluctantly
agrees.
On the day
of the funeral, the deceased is displayed in an open casket. As
the mourners file by, one mourner places flowers on the coffin
and a drop of water from the flowers falls onto the deceased's
face, looking for all the world like a teardrop. The next mourner
to file by is the widow. She looks down at her lifeless husband,
notices the "teardrop" and says to him
quietly, "See, I told you it hurts!"
Special
Viagra
A man walks into a chemist and says to the bloke behind the counter,
'Listen, I
have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls
at once and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent.'
The chemist
reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes
out a small cardboard box marked with the label Viagra Extra Strength
and says,
'If you take this, you'll go mental for 12 hours.'
Very happy
and excited, the man says, 'Gimme three boxes.'
The next day
the man walks into the same chemist's shop, right up to the same
chemist and pulls down his pants. The chemist looks in horror
as he notices the man's cock is swollen, black and blue, and the
skin is hanging off in some places.
The man says,
'Gimme a tube of Deep Heat.'
The chemist
replies, 'Deep Heat? You're not going to put Deep Heat on that
are you?'
The man says,
'No, it's for my arms. The girls didn't show up.'
Lady in
Pharmacy
A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She
asked, "Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes,"
he answered.
She asked,
"Does it work?"
"Yes,"
he answered.
"Can
you get it over the counter?" she asked.
"I can
if I take two," he answered.
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